The apparently Gen-Z-coined phrase is a vague descriptor for an early pseudo-relationship full of texting and talking—and maybe even full-blown dates and hookups—but no commitment. Think of it as a pre-dating phase, one that might precede a more serious relationship, orrrrr one that can romanian brides stretch on into indefinite situationship territory. If that sounds confusing and frustrating, that’s because it is!
- So that’s why before you decide on it, you should try to make sure you aren’t going to be wasting each other’s time by making sure that you are, in general terms, compatible with one another.
- Or when you’re looking at their Facebook profile and feel as though you know everything about them and their aunt’s best friend?
- Her advice is to save the major filtering and getting to know each other for the first date.
- A first-day text or call is too eager, a second-day contact seems planned, but three days is, somehow, the perfect amount of time.
- Because there are no labels, you might find yourself in the talking stage with multiple people at a time.
- Be honest about what you’re looking for, both with the other person and yourself.
During the talking stage, you might go to dinner with the person you’re talking to. You might go home with them, have full sex, sleep over, develop an emotional connection with their dog, and depart with a gentle forehead kiss. And you might still have no idea what they’re looking for or if they even like you. It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask, of course—don’t be crazy! When it comes to texting before a first date, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person before moving on to setting up an actual date. Oftentimes, either the conversation would go stale or — when we did finally meet up in person — there was an inevitable letdown. I reached out to online dating experts to get the scoop on meeting someone for the first time after texting, and the timeline between digital and real-life contact is probably shorter than you think.
It depends on the two individuals involved in the relationship. First, does talking mean talking in person, by phone, or with texts? One of you might be fine texting a couple of times a day but only talking when you meet up in person. While the talking stage of a relationship can be a “pre-dating” time in which you are friends with your prospective partner, there are no rules against going out on dates during this phase. Not everyone who is dating is interested in long-term commitments or marriage.
You should treat people in the way you want them to treat you. Stop asking non-important questions like “What is your favorite season?” and “What is your favorite taste of ice cream”? If you find out that she is a summer person and vanilla ice cream lover, it will not tell you much about her personality and your compatibility. When you have talks with someone, you don’t set too high expectations.
Rather, it is about protecting yourself and setting firm boundaries. It’s about keeping your expectations at an appropriate height.
This is why the talking stage can become so frustrating. It could take one conversation to know you aren’t interested in someone, but sometimes it takes weeks or months. You aren’t exclusive and can be in this stage with multiple people at once. You can be happily talking and flirting with multiple people, as long as they aren’t under the impression that they’re the only one. The talking stage isn’t always as simple as it sounds. It seems like it would be when you text before deciding to meet up, or after a date or two before knowing if you really click.
Does texting slow down as a relationship progresses?
It is probably the most effective way of shortening the talking stage. There are also things that can sabotage your chances or keep you stuck in the talking stage forever.
The talking stage helps you figure out if your crush is right for you. You might chat about your background, beliefs, and interests to see if your vibes and values align. You’ll know that there’s something there if you feel a giddy rush when their name pops up on your screen and you want to spend more and more time talking. You’ll probably even see them becoming a part of your life. The talking stage is when you’re getting to know someone and aren’t exclusive or in a relationship yet.
It’s good for people with avoidant attachment personalities
Psychologists say you should wait at least two months until you ask the other person to be exclusive with you. You might decide to commit to each other sooner than that, but generally speaking, eight weeks is a good timeline.
Even should romantic attraction or sexual tension fade as they grow old together, they continue to be there for one another. Perhaps they would say that they respect your opinions, for example, but then you hear their friends making fun of “someone” who is suspiciously too much like you. Now, it is true that you never truly stop loving people, and the best way to move on is to find something new.
While the talking stage is a good opportunity to weed out people who aren’t a match for you, as Devonish explains, it’s also not a stage that’s meant to last if both or even one party wants more. So when you start feeling like you want to take this to the next level, say something. Sure, you may not get the answer you want, but you’ll at least free yourself from the talking stage and move on to the next potential partner. That’s why the only way to actually get out of the talking stage is to (eep!) be honest about your feelings. It’s important to be direct about what you want, communicate those desires clearly, and—most importantly—leave if your intentions don’t match your potential partner’s. But it will save you both a lot of time and heartache, and will leave you free to pursue the kind of relationship you’re actually looking for.